This is where thoughts become things.

Hi, I'm Daniela. Welcome to my personal lair on the Internet. This is where I write about storytelling, activism, technology and pop culture. Sometimes I post videos. I update my lair when the mood strikes me. Follow me on Twitter for daily updates (@dcap).

Secret to my svelteness? The Incompetence Diet.

Ever since I moved to NYC (going on) three years ago, I have found it very easy to stay relatively thin.

Like many newyorkers I don’t have a car, which means I walk everywhere. I probably climb at least 5 very tall flights of stairs a day, and probably walk at least ten miles a week. This is assuming I am only going to work and then home again.

Ok, so a few stairs and blocks doesn’t keep anyone within a size 3-5 range, I know. However I do not exercise at all, at all! Which has made me wonder how I manage to still illicit comments like “thin, fit, etc”. I feel like a phony skinny person. My weight has always fluxuated, and before I moved to NYC there was a point when I was a rather large person (double digit size), and a pair of size 3 jeans seemed like a magical speck in way off in the horizon of “that’s not happenin’ any time soon” while I stuffed my face with fries.

I still stuff my face with fries, so what’s the deal?

So here are some other factors that might contribute to my mysteriously small frame:

1 – I’m a phony vegetarian.

I primarily eat non “was walkin’ around before” food, and rarely eat dairy. Not because I am trying to be healthy, God no. I was unfortunately born seriously lactose intolerant, and can only deal with like two dairy foods a week without turning into a wretched mess. I don’t eat red meat because my ultra religious parents forced me to be vegan the first nine years of my life, which has made processing heavy meats a lifelong problem. I love sushi, occassionaly things with chicken, but otherwise I eat a whole shitload of tofu on a regular basis. I’m not a huge fan of greasy things other than fries, which I consume like a crack whore. I probably eat fries with every meal, if I can manage it.

So, due to upbringing and genetics, my diet is fairly healthy. I do indulge sometimes but mostly I eat small portions of non greasy things, no red meat, and lots of soy based crap. done.

2 – People are always screwing up my Orders

Like many Newyorkers, I don’t cook. I mostly order, and for whatever reason incompetence often forces me to fast or eat very little. Veggie items I ordered will be sprinkled with pork, my tuna sandwich won’t have any tuna in it, and so on. Because I am lazy, I rarely deal with this, and end up either waiting til the next meal or eating crackers.

3 – I don’t like colored drinks.

I don’t know why, but they bother me. It’s not really a problem with juices, but definitely with sodas. I drink all sorts of juices but if I do ever drink soda it’s only clear selections like Sprite or Ginger Ale.

4 – Caffeine turns me into a crack whore

I am sensitive to caffeine. It makes me cu-razzzy and annoying. I’ll indulge now and again, but I mostly deprive myself from fancy mocha latte thisorthats, and apparently those are heavy on calories. So without trying, I am once again “being healthy”. Whatever.

5 – I am broke.

My rent is a lot more nowadays, so I can’t afford to be a bar hopping alcoholic like the good ole days. Alcohol has a lot of calories, but even when I was slamming those drinks, I usually stuck with shots of the hard stuff or vodka tonics. The mixed fruity drinks and those with soda are the most heaviest on calories, so yet again, I was being a “healthy person”.

Incompetence + digestive issues + NY living = Daniela’s gettin’ a little bony.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *