Daniela Capistrano, self portrait (Nov. 23, 2012)

What you are about to read are the events from 2012 that make me feel good about being alive. What I am taking away from these memories are the following three lessons:

1) It’s really important to make yourself leave your house, even if it’s the last thing you want to do.

2) Channeling your anger into fuel for doing good things in the world is a lot less expensive than drinking a lot.

3) Sometimes you just need to take a self-timeout and have a popsicle before reacting in a harsh manner. Give yourself time to consider your response.

Enjoy the memories! It might make more sense if you scroll to the bottom and read it from January to December instead of December back to January, but, you know … do you

December 2012

12/31: I gave secret gifts and donations to several people and organizations, as a thank-you offering to the universe for all the support I’ve received this year. I then celebrated the New Year at a pizza party with my god daughter and her family.

12/23: I took my dad to the Portland Trail Blazers vs Sacramento Kings game, the first time I ever went to a sporting event with him. I had more fun watching my dad enjoying the game than watching the actual game – it was really boring (for me).

12/20: Went to Cali for the 5th? time in 2012 to be with my mom and family in Sacramento, CA (until 1/1). I had fun at my sister’s engagement brunch and went with her to her first wedding dress fitting. I also spent quality time with my god daughter and her family. My mother cooked heavenly food and we watched funny comedies with my brother. My stepdad took us on a great nature walk and I was able to surprise my family with gifts. I had a wonderful time.

12/18: Gave Jenna Freedman the Mimi Thi Nguyen/POC Zine Project zine donation for Barnard Zine Library in person at Souen, where we had a delicious dinner and caught up.

December was the month I found out I didn’t make it to the final 12 for the Sundance Screenwriters Lab, which was tough to accept. However, a friend of mine invited me and another friend to create our own screenwriters workshop in January, and we’re going to hold a reading event in February. My new goal is to submit to and make it into IFP’s Emerging Narratives program!

November 2012

11/19: Flew to Miami, Florida for the first time for a family visit with my <3 over the Thanksgiving break (until 11/27).

11/16: INSPIRATION: Ate at the Square Diner, a restaurant in Tribeca that I used to frequent during one of my first internships in 2004. I had not been back since early 2005, so it was a "full circle" moment.

11/10: I was happy to make the time to go to my cousin's wedding dress fitting in San Jose, CA, despite being really busy.

11/5: INSPIRATION: Had a great dinner at Thai House 530 in the Mission with Liz Mayorga, a talented comic artist who I will build with for POC Zine Project in 2013.

11/4: Flew to SF to assist Current TV's POTUS election coverage (until 11/11). I felt really comfortable returning to supervise 20+ temp employees, which was an accomplishment for me - despite feeling really stressed about Sandy. I received positive feedback about my performance and style directly from those I managed, as well as from my supervisor.

This date also marks the moment I finally had the courage to speak to Al Gore in person.

11/1: INSPIRATION: I visited Casa Atabex Ache in the Bronx for the first time and became a member. I am looking forward to building with these women in 2013.

October 2012

10/28: Hurricane Sandy tested me in several ways. Thankfully, in the days that followed, I was able to stay focused on what I needed to do and took the time to volunteer to support relief efforts.

10/26: INSPIRATION: Had drinks and snacks at Ear Inn, a historic bar in NYC, with filmmaker/writer Alex Mar. Our conversation, which took place before she went to do a residency, left me with a lot to think about.

10/24: INSPIRATION: Participated in a Samsung launch event in NYC for the Galaxy Note II and stayed at YOTEL, a hotel in midtown. I received my Galaxy Note II phone as a gift for participating, which is now my default phone and a rad productivity tool for me. Thanks again to my <3 for hooking this up!

10/7: Completed the first-ever POC Zine Project: Race Riot! Tour, with a finale event at Death By Audio in Brooklyn! Best night of my life, so far! Traveling through 14 cities in a two week period changed my life. Our university speaking engagement fees and show covers offset the cost of the entire tour, with reimbursements for all members.

September 2012

9/29: INSPIRATION: I lived to see my 31st birthday, while on tour with a bunch of amazing women! I had free drinks at Honest John’s Bar & Grill in Detroit at 1AM after an amazing POCZP event at Trumbullplex, and then spent 9/29 in Ann Arbor, Michigan. On my birthday we did a panel and zinemaking workshop at the University of Michigan.

F.O.K.U.S. invited us and they were an incredible group! That night we did another event at The 3rd Death Star, a music & art venue in Ann Arbor. Perfect birthday. I’m not sure how I’m going to top it in 2013, but we’ll see… <3

9/24: POC Zine Project tour through 14 cities begins in Brooklyn at 538 Johnson!!! <3 Dream come true. My first tour experience. Here's the post from our tour finale at Death By Audio - it contains links to all our tour date recaps:

http://poczineproject.tumblr.com/post/33721524974/race-riot-tour-brooklyn-finale-2012

9/21: Configured the POC Zine Project mifi device, ensuring that we had reliable Internet access the entire tour.

9/14: Traveled to Wellesley College to lead a POC Zine Project panel. This paid speaking engagement ended up covering most of our tour van costs.

9/9: Went to lunch at Chevy’s on the River in Sacramento, CA with my sister and her boyfriend for the first time, great family bonding experience.

9/1: INSPIRATION: Went to GLBTQ pride event in Oakland, CA with my old friend Kyla, her partner and their daughter.

August 2012

8/27: Flew to SF for work to support debate coverage at Current TV (until 9/10). This was my first time supervising over 18+ people at once. A memorable learning experience!

8/22: INSPIRATION: Went to a session at the Bronx Library Center to learn more about what grants I’m eligible for.

8/12: Went to Baltimore for the first time on a BoltBus and attended the Bmore Feminist BBQ series, where I connected with new POC Zine Project collaborators/allies.

8/11: INSPIRATION: Had brunch with Laura Checkoway at Teany, where we talked about her upcoming film and my goals for 2012 and beyond.

8/07: INSPIRATION: Submitted my feature-length screenplay to the second round of the Sundance Screenwriters Lab, just in time for the deadline! Stressful but triumphant day!

8/5: INSPIRATION: Had a memorable bonding experience with FTB’s Kate Wadkins, talking about our activist goals. We had amazing drinks at the Sidewalk Cafe and checked out art at Pocket Utopia.

July 2012

7/31: Participated on a panel at the first-ever Social Curation Summit in NYC, produced by mediabistro. This was my first experience speaking about POC Zine Project at a media industry event.

7/24: INSPIRATION: I received confirmation that the first five pages of my script made it to the second round of the Sundance Screenwriters Lab!

7/11: INSPIRATION: Flew to New Orleans (for the first time!) to participate in the Anarchist People of Color Convergence, aka APOCalypse (stayed until 7/16). A life-changing experience.

June 2012

6/30: Launched the POC Zine Project Tumblr at the Tumblr/Mozilla coding event at DCTV. This was a big step in building community for POCZP. Also, during this time my sister and her teen brother were visiting me in NYC for the first time! <3 I took them to a decadent chocolate dinner at Max Brenner.

6/17: I completed all my foster parent requirements and passed my home study. This was very significant for me, for several reasons, which include a crazy work schedule since 2010 that made it really challenging to attend classes.

6/24: INSPIRATION: Finally saw Alabama Shakes live at The Bandshell - for free!

6/19: Attended the 2012 Games for Change Conference (my second time) and covered it for Current.com. Here are the four articles I wrote as a result of my experience:

Digital literacy in the US: 3 ways the Obama administration is fueling the tech revolution

http://current.com/groups/news-blog/93844350_digital-literacy-in-the-us-3-ways-the-obama-administration-is-fueling-the-tech-revolution.htm

‘The Matrix is a system, Neo’: Ten reasons coding literacy should be a human right

http://current.com/groups/news-blog/93817194_the-matrix-is-a-system-neo-ten-reasons-coding-literacy-should-be-a-human-right.htm


Women in games: A mini guide to working and thriving in the video game industry

http://current.com/groups/humor-culture-blog/93836904_women-in-games-a-mini-guide-to-working-and-thriving-in-the-video-game-industry.htm

- includes interviews with 18+ women in the industry

Keep calm and play video games: 5 ways to level up your life through gameplay

http://current.com/groups/news-blog/93815645_keep-calm-and-play-video-games-5-ways-to-level-up-your-life-through-gameplay.htm

6/14: First dinner (of many) at Peaches Hothouse in Brooklyn of 2012 <3

POC Zine Project members and I kicked the 2012 Race Riot! Tour planning into high gear.

May 2012

5/27: Ate at Sugarhill Supper Club in Brooklyn for the first time – it’s a supper club, BBQ joint and disco!!

5/10: Went with my older half sister and her family to Manuel’s Original El Tepeyac Cafe in L.A. to get the legendary “Manuel Special” (my first time).

5/8: Went to L.A. for the second time in 2012 to support the launch of the “Full Court Press with Bill Press” and “Talking Liberally with Stephanie Miller” show sites, as well as new hire training. Stayed at the lovely Culver Hotel again for the second time in 2012.

5/4: Took Corvida to Ceetay for the first time, a new sushi joint around the corner from my building in the South Bronx.

April 2012

4/24: Had a surgeon look at some scarring from my fall earlier in the year and made the decision to not get cosmetic surgery. I am fine with my scars.

4/6: Overcame my fear of doctors to get a physical and clearance for my foster parent application.

4/4: Took a friend who was going through a hard time to Mermaid Oyster Bar, a first time visit for me and I loved it!!!

March 2012

3/28: Got fingerprinted for foster care clearance at PSI Testing Center.

3/25: Experienced the fastest airport check-in of my entire life: 6 minutes from SMF terminal entrance to my gate!

3/22: Had an awesome sister brunch at the Virgin Sturgeon (my first time at this restaurant) in Sacramento, CA.

3/11: Although still very ill, I traveled from Chicago to SF to continue helping with staff training and covering on The War Room with Jennifer Granholm.

3/9: Flew to Chicago for the Chicago Zine Fest. I came down with the flu and spent the entire time in my wonderful host’s spare room, but still helped to live stream the event and coordinate with other POC Zine Project panelists.

3/3: Finished my second to last foster parent training class at NYC’s Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Community Center.

February 2012

Successfully negotiated a new agreement with my employer to work less hours and primarily from home, in order to achieve my creative and activist goals in 2012. As a result, my overall quality of life dramatically increased.

2/23: Fell in a pothole in Union Square and badly sprained my ankle, but still met some deadlines while in severe pain.

2/10: Moderated a panel on the future of radical media at The New School for Paper Tiger Television’s 30th anniversary conference

January 2012

I spent this time preparing to apply to the 2013 Sundance Screenwriters Lab as well, after several years of false starts.

1/23: I fell down icy fire escape stairs behind my building and hurt my back. I’m not proud of injuring myself, but I am proud that even though I hurt myself (a few times this year!), I still was able to get work done and find time to help others.

1/17: My <3 and I had a bittersweet brunch to celebrate gay marriage being legalized in NYC – but not in every state (yet). We also discussed issues affecting LGBTQ communities, and QPOC, and why gay marriage isn’t the #1 issue for all LGBTQ.

1/4: First flight of 2012: LAX TO SFO
I was there to train the new War Room with Jennifer Granholm digital hires, after spending time in LA covering for The Young Turks digital staff.

1/1: Spent New Years Day going for a walk through the Baldwin Hills Scenic Overlook, then at the Santa Monica Pier for rides and a beach walk at night.

*This list only represents my favorite moments I could remember — not all of my 2012 experiences.

My reaction to Road’s new work is a complex feeling that “what an amazing book!” won’t do justice, because through it all I was reminded that the combined forces of sexuality, religion, class and family dynamics that made navigating adolescence so treacherous and isolating are still things I constantly negotiate, and that has left me feeling both devastated and inspired. So, now what?

What do you do when the most thrilling parts of your imagination are fueled by heartbreak? What does it mean when having the courage to be your true self often involves losing connections with people who are deeply embedded in the fabric of your world?

I’ll call Spit and Passion amazing the same way that I define childhood resilience and secret dreams as amazing – as conduits to freedom. Sometimes words just don’t do incredible manifestations of life’s experiences justice. But yes, Spit and Passion is amazing, and you should find a way to read it as soon as possible.

I began reading Spit and Passion on a Saturday morning. Before noon I had finished it because I couldn’t put it down, because the sunlight streaming through my window made me feel safe, spilling over the pages that I frantically flipped through, identifying examples of life’s moments that confused the hell out of me growing up. “No more boxes” I mumbled, and my inner twelve year old breathed a long sigh of relief.

You don’t have to identify as LGBTQ, or be Latina, to appreciate Spit and Passion. Everyone has their version of a “tumultuous childhood” story, and all of humanity knows what it’s like to seek community and validation even as you are still figuring out who you are. Even so, the world still isn’t very kind to gay and gender non-conforming kids, and hetero folks still need more education about how to ffind common ground in the interest of equality. For these reasons and more, I think that Spit and Passion should be required reading for all sixth graders.

I wish that 11 year old me could have kept this book under her pillow at night, but the 31 year old version of myself is grateful that it’s in the world now. As someone who has taken many years to feel comfortable with both the labels Chicana and Queer, just holding this book in my hand, and its passages connecting the dots between music, identity, politics and self-affirmation – all through the lens of a young Cuban girl discovering her gayness – makes me feel just a little more visible in this world.

No story is too small to be told, and I’m grateful to Cristy for having the courage to share her experience, because in reading her hindsight about life’s twists and turns, I was able to break down some of the complex thoughts about my own early attempts to make sense of things that I had shelved away. There’s a tangentially shared Queer vocabulary among all LGBTQ Latinos, I like to imagine. Because that thought makes me feel less alone in the world, and more connected to others whose commitment to family and culture first made acceptance within certain queer communities a struggle or outright impossible.

Road’s book reminds me of the times in childhood when I would forget about a playground injury and then, later in my room, rediscover a partially-connected and filthy band-aid somewhere on my body. In my bed, surrounded by the warm protection of blankets and my favorite stuffed animals, I would slowly peel off the sticky remnants and in the darkness graze my fingertips over the newly-formed scar.

The forgotten wound; it was all mine, and I delicately nursed it with gentle caresses, the memory of what caused the tear in my flesh in the first place long forgotten as I appreciated the tiny indentations and ridges growing out of my newly forming skin.

Spit and Passion made my cry, but I welcomed my page-staining catharsis because within the safety of Cristy’s graphically-enhanced chapters, I felt validated recalling how scary and confusing being an adolescent can be, especially for young gay Latinas who have no language or support system to rely on as all of life’s systems of conformity shove dogma down our throats. When being yourself – in defiance of religious and family values and in contradiction of what gets celebrated in popular culture – doesn’t feel like an option you would ever want to choose … not if you want to stay loved and feel safe.

And that moment when you decide that you must risk being alienated by your family at some point in the future in order to be the person you want to be – Road captures it all in one messy and beautiful outpouring, broken down into digestible chronology fragments that made it easy to stay with her, in her story, while mining the recesses of my own similar memories.

Some of us stay in closets forever; closets that hide our sexuality, gender identity, political beliefs, dreams we’re afraid to see into fruition – but it doesn’t mean that beauty or joy can’t be found in there among our hidden truths, as we fumble our way to self-actualization. This graphic memoir about a Green Day-loving Cuban pre-teen girl from Miami finding inspiration and navigating identity while in the closet, illustrated with CCR’s beautiful and gut-wrenchingly accurate imagery, made me feel better about my own timeline.

Everyone has something to learn and to lose. We’re all out here making these choices, and sometimes the simplest ones – like learning to love a band with unabashed optimism and hope – are the most transformative.

Green Day made a young Road feel alive. Reading about the intense love and path to liberation she found through their music reminded me of my own personal power – the power I’ve always had – to transform my life in any way that I choose.

Spit and Passion is available now through Feminist Press.

———
Cristy C. Road is a Brooklyn-based Cuban-American illustrator and writer who’s been contributing to queer arts, punk, writing, & activism since 1996. Road published a zine,Greenzine for ten years, and has released three books – Indestructible, Distance Makes the Heart Grow Sick, and Bad Habits. Her most recent work is the graphic memoir entitled Spit and Passion. She’s currently working on a Tarot Card deck with Author, Michelle Tea; and her punk rock band The Homewreckers.

Cristy joined Daniela Capistrano and other fierce feminists of color on the POC Zine Project Race Riot! Tour from Sept 24 – Oct 7, 2012. Daniela is still processing how amazing it was to share the road and the stage with such an incredible Latina artist, musician and activist.